We are giving away our Riffraft prototype to one very lucky person!
To enter the Riffraffle, click “Add to Cart,” check out for free, and bam! You’ve entered. No cost, no chaos. Just a chance at a free death trap with zero indemnification clause.
Used
May not support the weight of a human
Lasts 70 years
What are you doing? Literally what are you people doing. It’s super NOT what I had in mind when I invented humans, and now all of Earth is on FIRE? and you have to borrow each other’s pandas?? … I just—
You know what!? Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter!!! Earth is *yours.* Enjoy! :)
Speaking of which, I made something v fun for everyone! They’re called Riffrafts and you’re gonna see a lot of ‘em real soon in water everywhere. They’re fun! You’re gonna love them. They’re not a trap!
Well, they’re water toys! Big fun water toys you can squeeze your head and body into. Enjoy the new way you’re forced to move! Don’t ask for help, that’s cheating.
Each Riffraft has six body holes, so get as many of your body parts in the rings as possible, or get all your friends’ bodies in it at once, whatever!
Also, being God and all, I made Riffrafts with EcoPureⓇ so they biodegrade in one (1) human lifetime instead of 450+ years like typical PVC. Please take notes. Enjoy!
